We met the photographer (hereafter known as “photog” to save a couple typing strokes :-) and her assistant at a park I’d never explored, just only past through on a couple occasions. The photog explained what she had planned and off we went each of us carrying something, I’m carrying a bag of purple fake flowers that the photog assures me “look real” in pics. It was still just a little bit chilly but there were already walkers and dogs about the trails. It was a nice park, it had a bridge over a little rushing creek, lots of trees, and areas of flowers bed plantings. The photog asked if there were any questions and did we bring our check and then we proceeded down the path.The night before I was shown the price brochure and was assured by DD in a loud voice that she had shown me this a long time ago (well I didn’t remember, but that’s not unusual). We settled on the lower price range photo package, which sure isn’t cheap in my book, with prices ranging from about $200 to $600 and of course you can add even more from the “ala carte” side!! I then said go talk to your Dad he’s got the checkbook! We aren’t the type of people who need hundreds of pics to send to relatives. We don’t have that many, and only figure the immediate family would care about having a photo anyway, i.e. grandparents, sister, etc. Anyone else would probably, go “yeah, ok, so we got another pic of some kid we barely know and throw it in a drawer, never to be seen again until their estate is cleaned out. We chose just a few photos and the option of one “pose” and figured it would be fairly easy when we got there.
We stopped at the bridge and she set up an impressive shoot with a very nice digital cannon camera (read: jealous) and the assistant (a petite fresh-out-of-high-school young woman) had these large reflectors to hold and different angles. I made jokes about arms of steele, yada yada. So…the photog got into clicking away asking for smiles, turn this way and that, chin up, ok, now climb over the top of bridge railing and don’t fall in the creek kind of poses. After what seemed like eternity, she said it was time to move to the next spot. Which surprised me and my DD and I looked at each other as we assumed it would be just the one pose. So off to an area of trees… the photog then set up again and wanting my DD to do the old tree hugging, lean against, be one with the tree poses. But before that, the photog took out some garden clippers and proceeded to cut down some hanging branches from the tree and throw them aside. Well, that surprised me, and I wondered if the parks department often wondered where all those cut branches come from, as I saw several laying all over the place. While my DD was doing her best not to twist her ankle and fall down around all the roots sticking out of the ground, I made a comment about her not doing the scene from the movie “Superstar” (with Molly Shannon of Saturday Night Live fame, if you know the movie, you know what scenes I’m talkin’ about, lol), and she opened her mouth in a “guffaw” and the photog laughed and said she just got a shot of her uvula. But I don’t think they knew what I was talking about. Can’t wait to see that one tho! Yeah, I do have a warped sense of humor. Then after it seemed like another hundred pics, she wanted my DD to move down the slope near the edge of the creek. By now I’m getting hungry, my legs and feet are tired from standing and I don’t know what time it is.
After moving my DD up and down the bank, forward and back from the edge, there were a couple of times when I giggled, when the photog kept saying “ok, another step back, ok just a little more”… I was picturing my DD falling into the creek, he he. I guess my DD had the same thought as she took a look behind her real quick, but didn’t move her hands or smile from the position the photog had asked her to do. What a little trooper! Then the photog asked the assistant to get the clippers and prune some more of the parks’ lush and beautiful foliage near the water’s edge. Obviously we couldn’t have any funky foliage in the background of these shots. When the assistant didn’t get it quite right, she climbed down from her little step ladder (she was pretty short) and did the job herself. By now I’m walking in little circles and lifting my legs as they feel like they’re getting varicose veins.
Another eternity of photos and asking me if my DD looks ok, anything else I want her to do, etc. Nope, and she says it time to move to the next. The photog says “now we get to use the flowers. We go even farther down the path away from car in the parking lot, which I longingly look back at. Climbing down another slope, they both start cutting more foliage then start placing the bouquets of flowers in amongst the blackberry vines. I don’t have the vision to see what they are planning, but soon find out, as they set my DD down on a piece of plastic behind a rock slightly bigger than a basketball. They have her sit what looks like “side saddle” with her arms folded across the rock. The photog heads back to her ladder and my DD catches my eye with a look that says, “I’m being contorted and in pain”. So after more body contortions and with more “head left, head right, tilt, chin up, etc.” commands, they take a little breather. During this time I started feeling sick, a little nauseated, and clammy (which had me a little worried as I’m not one to be sick), so I say I really have to excuse myself and go back to the car as I’m not feeling well. The photog said “you’re not going to pass out, the last one that said that passed out”. I assured her I was not, never had in my life. She then says they only have two shots left, they’ll be right there. I start to walk, what seemed like miles, back to the car. I get to the car and check the time, I’ve been standing for 2 ½ hours! Not to overlook my DD was doing everything but standing on her head all that time, too. Shortly, I saw my DD walking back and then a few minutes later the photog and assistant. I got out and we made small talk about sickness yada yada, I politely refused to come closer in case I was really getting the flu or something, gave her the check, made an appt to come view the shots later and left for home. Whatever was going on with me abated shortly after eating and laying down when we got home, go figure?
Well I have to say that whole thing was an “experience”, and actually the photog was very nice. I can hardly wait to do it again in three years when my son is a senior. Maybe he’ll drop out of school before then…over my dead body, lol. These pics here are self portraits my DD took awhile ago.
